There’s a new beauty treatment trending in Japan. One that involves paying someone $243 to put a breed of special African snails on your face, leaving trails of ook on your skin. The process is meant to slow down the aging of skin cells. Of course there’s no scientific proof that putting slimy-ass snails on your skin is gonna keep your skin looking young and fresh. But by the time all the results are in, those snail-salon people will have already laughed their way to the bank, squandered all their earnings, and already come up with the next way they’re gonna scam you out of your money. It’s the circle of liiiiiiiiiiife!
This is soap made in the shape of a ring to suds up your hang down. It’s appropriately called Weener Kleener. Or maybe inappropriately, actually, now that I think about it. One of my biggest pet peeves is when a product name is spelled all kooky for no good raisin reason. Especially in this case! It already rhymes, why you gotta spell it all weird? And what’s with the K? Wouldn’t a C suffice? I disagree with everything going on here! Including the whole selling a soap with a hole in it so you can stick your wiener in there. Just use a wash cloth like a normal person! Or a shower scrunchie if you’re trying to be fancy. Which I am.
This is some rando dude with a Pac-Man inspired… beard? Mustache? Facial hair? Yeah, let’s just go with facial hair. I don’t know WTF would inspire a person to do this to himself, but my guess is that mess was already growing in mega patchy so dude just decided to embrace it. With a razor. And a Sharpie. Plus probably unemployment if we’re being 100% honest. WHICH I BELIEVE WE ARE.