Tag Archives: Beauty & Grooming

Zombie Scented Cologne & Perfume

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Demeter is selling Zombie-Scented Cologne and Perfume. Because what could be more attractive than the stench of rotting flesh and stale brain-breath? Well, actually… now that you ask, I can actually think of a lot of examples. Like clean laundry, fresh cut grass, new car smell, or cat piss. Wait, no — zombie and cat piss are definitely tied for last place. The undead-men’s fragrance smells of dried leaves, mushrooms, mildew, moss, and earth, while the women’s version is basically like the dude’s except it’s got notes of ‘bottom of the wine barrel’ added in for good measure. I’m gonna douse myself in the Eau de Zombie Stank like a frat boy does Axe Body Spray and watch everyone gasp in horror as I walk by. Now that’s what I call a good time! I… I live a very mundane existence.

Thanks to SCIENCE for the tip. He doesn’t need cologne, he just wears one of those pine tree air fresheners around his neck. Drives the ladies wild.

Want To Improve Your Looks? Set Your Face On Fire!

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Women around the world do some crazy stuff in the name beauty, ranging from ridiculous to downright dangerous. This definitely falls into the latter category. There’s a beauty treatment in China called Huǒ liáo that’s meant to brighten your face… by setting it on fire. A towel is soaked in a “secret elixer” (a.k.a. lighter fluid) and then placed on the problem area. Alcohol is added as a starter fluid and then FWOOSH! Your face is on fire! After a few seconds the flame is put out. The treatment is also done on other parts of the body, presumably to relax the muscles. Because, you know, being lit on fire by a stranger sounds REALLY relaxing.

Creepy Lip Makeup That Mimics The Eye

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What’s that? You always wanted a third eye? One or two in the back of the head would be super useful, but would you settle for one in place of your mouth? Probably not. Though with this creative and creepy lip makeup by Swedish makeup enthusiast Sandra Holmbom, one could at least test it out. The illusionary look for lips mimics an eye, allowing it to chomp away on whatever it is that you’re eating. Thanks to the artist’s intricately designed iris and delicately applied eyelashes, a slight part in the mouth adds to the mind-boggling effect that inspires a double-take and and some fright in small children.

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Hello There, Goldilocks

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Do hard-to-pronounce chemicals stop you from coloring your hair? Well, you can continue to hold out, Granola, because you could be dying your hair with gold someday. Dr. Philippe Walter at Université Pierre et Marie Curie-CNRS and his colleagues were interested in trying out gold nanotechnology to dye hair. They carried out the test on a couple of white hairs by soaking them in gold particles. After a day, the hairs turned yellow then a little over two weeks later, the hairs were permanently a dark brown — even after several washes.  When you consider it would take about $30 of gold to dye an average head of hair, that’s pretty affordable compared to a $100+ trip to the hair salon. Plus you get the added bonus of bragging about your golden locks to anyone who will listen.

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Daw!: Bunny Tail Cotton Ball Dispenser

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This is a super adorable Bunny Tail Cotton Ball Dispenser. As you can see, it’s dangerous. Dangerously cute! It’s like punch a hole through your computer monitor so forgive me if there are any typos because my screen is now shattered level of cute. For real though I hurt my hand pretty bad and I think I’m gonna need to seek medical assistance. Gimme a ride to the hospital? Ooh and  on the way maybe we can swing by the mall? Definitely gonna need to replace my computer. And I hear the Orange Julius is having buy 1 get 1 free sale and you know how I feel about a good deal.

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Giggle Snort: A Clean Beaver Always Finds More Wood

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Hey, that’s not my personal philosophy, it’s a tagline for new Fresh + Sexy “intimate wipes.” For the guy version? “A polished knob always gets more turns.” Ah, just like the Mad Men days of marketing. The wipes, which contain aloe and chamomile, are intended to help ladies and gents freshen up their special parts before getting in some spontaneous sexy time. My mom always told me to wear clean underwear in case of an accident. Now there are these. Things sure have changed.

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Perfume For Babies Who Smell Bad

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Wait, what? Babies smell delicious! Sure they tend to burp, spittle, and poop here and there, but deep down in that baby scalp is an unmatched, often intoxicating fragrance. Leave it to a major fashion house to make babies all self-conscious nice and early. They seem to think they can improve upon a bundle’s natural fragrance. Stefano Gabbana asks, “How can babies smell even sweeter than they already do?” Apparently, the designer scent is alcohol-free, and contains notes of citrus, honey, and melon. I’ll just stick to notes of newborn head.

Smexy Manly Scented Bar Soap

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Man Hands is a line of dude-scented bar soaps. NOT dude-scented like musty body odor masked in body spray. More along the lines of beer, baseball gloves, fire, and cash. That’s cute and all, but c’mon — real men don’t use soap! Because they don’t need soap. A true macho brute bathes in the blood of his enemies, uses sandpaper as a washcloth, shampoos with hot sauce, and moisturizes with bourbon. That’s right! Real men moisturize. There’s nothing masculine about ashy skin, folks.

The Body Hair Thinner Takes You From Scary To Hairy

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Guys, are you torn between looking like Chewbacca or a pretty lady? (In terms of body hair, not like furry cosplay or crossdressing.) Both are good choices but what if you could find balance between the two? The Mudage Jolie Body Hair Thinner lets you remove some, but not all, body hair. While it kind of makes sense that there’s an ideal level of body hair, this seems like a lot of work. Of course it may only seem like a lot of work to me because I only shave for special occasions like when I’m going to be on TV or flying into outer space or meeting a magical unicorn that poops cupcakes. So.. you know, never.

Get A Jersey Shore Ready Spray Tan At Home

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Visits to the spray tan salon can get pretty expensive. How many shifts do you have to work at Shore Store to cover the weekly trips? If you can get your hands on your very own machine, you’ll be the king or queen of the boardwalk. But where can you do it without getting totally toxic, orange goo all over your mom’s plastic-covered couches? You can head outside, but that can get awkward. This Instant Pop Up Spray Tan Booth is the answer. It’s already the color of faux sun-kissed skin and it’s absolutely perfect for your next spray tan party.