Tag Archives: Beauty & Grooming

Über Extreme Eyelash Jewelry

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This is a line of suuuuper extreme eyelash jewelry by Natalee, the same pretty lady who brought us the Unicorn Eyelash Jewelry. The peeper adornments are beaded and feature feathers, doo-dads, knicknacks, and some of them have got ALL OF THE ABOVE. They’ve even got weirdly specific themes like Summer Picnic, Las Vegas, Bubble Bath, Baby Farm Animal, and Salad. Yeah when I said it got weirdly specific I meant it. When I say things are gonna get weird, things are gonna get weird. Just… trust me. It’s some kinda fifth sense or whatever.

Dress Your Eyelashes In Magic

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Women everywhere spend good money on mascara, eyelash curlers, extensions, and falsies. What a waste! For $15, they could be sporting Unicorn Eyelash Jewelry. After all, nothing says, I’m mature and responsible like having mythical creatures resting on your eyelids. Job interview? Go for it. You wouldn’t want to work for someone who didn’t appreciate unicorns, would you? The fun false eyelashes are made up of beaded bands, blingy metallic unicorns, and tiny ice cream cones. Unicorns AND ice cream?! Swoon.

Amazing Hobbit Hole Nail Art & More

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This is Hobbit Hole Nail Art by DeviantARTist KayleighOC. It’s made from clay, faux grass, acrylic paints, and nail varnishes. It… looks a little inconvenient. It also looks AMAZIIIING! For real, Kayleigh, it’s so good. I need to know — how did you even make it? Also, how did you manage to wipe your tootay with that hulking mass on your thumb? What?! It’s a valid question. I need answers!

KayleighOC’s got other impressive nail art including a set themed after Gandalf the Grey, Breaking Bad, Labyrinth, Edward Scissorhands, and many others. I’ve included some pics below. Don’t say I never did anything for you!

Smells Delicious: Pizza Hut Cologne

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Pizza Hut has created a cologne that smells like a box of Pizza Hut pizza being opened. It’s called Eau de Pizza Hut. Eeee, I can only hope Taco Bell takes their lead — I want to smell like a Cheesy Gordita Crunch! Now, maybe you’re wondering “Who would want to smell like a pizza?” to which I must ask “Who DOESN’T want to smell like a pizza?” You show me a person who doesn’t want to smell like pizza and I’ll show a liar my complete and utter disbelief face. You know, something like this:  :-O

Tastes Like Burning: Sriracha Lip Balm

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If you want your lips to always burn with the tasty flavor of Sriracha, you could either carry a bottle with you everywhere and chug it, or you could use this lip balm. Another awesome Sriracha product from J&D’s and The Oatmeal, Sriracha Rooster Sauce Lip Balm will make you feel smoking hot all day long. Surprisingly it doesn’t actually burn your lips—in fact it’s SPF 15 so it will protect your lips from sunburn. That’s irony. At least I think it it’s irony… but what the hell do I know? I learned about irony from Alanis Morissette in the 90′s. Apparently rain on your wedding day isn’t ironic—it just sucks.

Sounds Hygienic: Bacon Shaving Cream

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J&D’s, the company best known for riding out this bacon craze as long as they possibly can and who can blame them because seriously people will buy anything infused with bacon, has come out with a new product, Bacon Shaving Cream. The stuff claims to be top qual, suitable for all skin types, and leaves your face smelling of bacon. Alternatively just eat a shit-ton of bacon and the scent will begin to ooze from your pores. Eat even more and you’ll soon develop a film on your skin that’s got a consistency very similar to greasy bacon fat. Which might I add could very well double as shaving cream. Annnnnnd now I’m getting hungry. Someone fire up the griddle — it’s bacon time!

Anti-Smell Boxers > Shower

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If your junk is stinky, your safest bet is to find some clean, running water, stat. The next best thing would be to have Deoest Odor Eliminating Underwear in your wardrobe. Killing some 95% of gas and sweat and other foul odors, this is the perfect underwear for people with a serious case of the smellies.  Developed by Inodore, these boxers have been specially designed with nano-level ceramic and metallic ions to fight and break down particles with unpleasant odors. Apparently 80% of the bad smells are eliminated in the first 30 seconds of wear, and the smell-reducing capabilities are retained even after 100 washes…then it’s high time you shower.

Edible Deodorant: Body Odor Fighting Candy

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Deodorant is such a hassle. You gotta remember whether or not you put any on this morning. And there’s no way of telling. That rancid smell by the way is NOT me. It’s probably the cats or something. Or maybe my shitty neighbor finally died and his rotting corpse is stinking up the building. One could only hope! Deo Perfume Candy is an edible deodorant that makes a person smell like roses for up to six hours. The sweet stuff was created by Beneo with some help from candy makers Alpi. It’s definitely a good alternative to regular deodorant, because you’ll never have to remind me to take it. I mean, c’mon — it’s f***ing candy! Come to think of it, you’ll probably have to ration it out to me. When it comes to candy I got NO self control, folks!

Something Smells Fishy: Sushi Cologne

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Because raw fish and seaweed is such a desirable scent, fragrance maker Demeter has created a Sushi Cologne. The only real advantage of wearing this kind of scent is you know the kitties are gonna be all over you. I mean, it’s an advantage if you’re cat hoarder like me. If you’re not looking to score a few littersworth of feral cats, then I guess it’s not really an advantage. More of a disadvantage, I guess.  Whatever, it’s cool… That just leaves more cats for the rest of us!

Lick Yourself Clean with Tongue Soap

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Don’t you wish you were a cat? They get to sleep all day and they don’t have to take baths. Also they have bean toes! But I digress. The point is, if you had a cat tongue you wouldn’t need to take baths. While the genetic engineering necessary to grow a cat tongue has not yet been perfected, you can at least know what it’s like clean yourself with a tongue. Tongue Soap from the AJ Sweet Soap Etsy Shop looks remarkably like a real human tongue, making it the funniest choice for washing a kid’s mouth out with soap ever. (Who am I kidding? It’s ALWAYS funny to wash a kid’s mouth out with soap.)