Because nothing says I’m the boss around here like an over-the-top letter opener, this is the Alien Xenomorph Letter Opener from Diamond Select Toys and available on Amazon (affiliate link). I think it goes without saying it’s the perfect letter opener for playing the knife game (aka five-finger filet) like Bishop in the original Alien movie.
The 10″ long unit features a heavy base resembling the head of a xenomorph warrior, with the actual letter opener being a removable model of the alien’s inner jaw. Remember the first time you saw that in the original movie? It still gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Does anybody even use letter openers anymore? I just assumed they were a way to keep a weapon at your desk in the event your coworkers turn on you. I mean it’s not that hard to open an envelope, especially if you don’t care about what’s inside. ‘Probably just another past-due bill’ I exclaimed while accidentally ripping my second COVID stimulus check to shreds.